23 January 2010

live and let die

 i've been picking up more hours at my old hospital. the one i worked at as a new nurse. the one i learned how to start iv's in any vein including the neck, knuckle, and toe. the one that i saw my first "code" aka dead person we are trying to bring back to life. the one that i saw my first dead baby. she was three months old, the prettiest little hispanic baby you've ever seen. full head of thick dark hair. long black eyelashes. beautiful. dead. we couldn't save her. the mother couldn't bring herself to hold the baby let alone even go into the room. i stayed with the lifeless baby in my arms...i just couldn't leave the tiny body alone in the big dark room. i held her until it was time for her to go the morgue. many experiences i've had at this hospital are imprinted into my mind and spirit never to leave me.

the other day i was at this hospital on my lunch break. (i like to step off the floor and get away for 30 mins to take a deep breath and re-group when i can.) in the cafeteria there is a juke-box. i love juke-boxes. it reminds of the pizza hut in fallon. good memories. anyway, i found and played the song live and let die. great song.

i have quite the commute from work to home. 40 minutes on a good day. my stereo in the car is out. these two factors leave me plenty of time to ponder.

this hospital i've been at lately has an incredibly high level of acuity as i'm sure you've already presumed. it's not uncommon to participate in more than two codes per shift and have three other patients that are close to coding. this particular day that i played the song i had really sick patients.

i guess my point to all this rambling is this: are you prepared to live? are you prepared to die? more, are you prepared to see your loved ones die? are you helping your loved ones live? what extent would you want me to work on saving your life if it came down to it? i have a friend that has told me multiple times to save him at all costs. really, you want to live on a ventilator that breathes for you for the rest of your life?

for the record: if i'm brain dead let me go. if i'm on a vent longer than one month without improvment let me go. if my legs were severed off and i'll never Zumba again save me.
some advice: don't take life for granted. it can be gone in an instant. i see it daily when i'm at work. an instant.
more advice: live and let die. if your grandpa is dying and he is 90 and lived a good life, let him go and don't make a scene. if it's your spouse and he's young and healthy, then you can make a scene while i'm  working on saving his life.
remember: death is a part of this life. live great until it comes then go gracefully.

p.s. excuse the randomness. written after 11 hours of helping heal sicko's at the hospital.
p.s. at some point, hopefully soon, i will post of all our happenings at the end of 2009 and all the fun we've had as of late.